a poem i found under my bed

On My Street

A Love Letter To One Recently Dead

I live on a cobbled stone street

In a big blue house, with a light post in the front yard

A small stone wall guards and protects our yard

The oak trees that line the street are a canopy to keep us cool

The yard in the back is vast

A garden out of a fairy tail with grass to run and play

Our home is warm

Three floors with rooms and family

The halls are lined with memories

The stairs are run with rugs

My room is red

Books piled sky high

My bed my kingdom

My cat the queen

My home in this room

In this house

On this street

Where you and I once long ago did meet

a poem in the romantic style

Light and Waking Dreams

Twas not love but fear of losing sight of beauty that kept me

still, still as the night with all its creature gone to sleep,

waiting for first light to break across my horizon.

In light of what had passed we walked

fingers touched as pale light moved over the pasture

the sound of leaves filled the air

fill the world with sound

so this moment will be heard we met and knew.

I’ve counted a thousand kisses

hoping for a thousand more.

I have loved the principle of beauty in all things

in you, most of all sweet love.

Who’s noble heart hath brought me to my knees.

I dream of birds singing as we walk

the meadow is rich with poppies

and I am drunk on your hazel eyes.

You whisper words

soft as butterfly wings

against my tender heart

would you love a fool, dear girl?

The meadow full of your poppies

swaying around us as we stand

against temptation

first light comes to

us with a flower crown

to anoint your head

Poppy Princess come

to lure me to slumber.

Would you be real when I woke

or a dream so intoxicating it led to my undoing.

To wander the earth in desolation finding memories true

with their feelings false.

Would you remain for me?

My hand out reached dreading that contact would make it real.

Lingering for tender death by your hand.

a random poem I wrote on the bus on the way home from school

First

You remembered my face from the crowd

so you sat by me.

The shy girl who didn’t talk

You were persistent

You were fun

Broke down my wall

So I talked and didn’t stop

You listened

Then you talked and didn’t stop

I listened

You were my first

Kiss

Love

Fuck

Heartbreak

Cause when the term was up

You found a new girl to sit by.

Fuck

Heartbreak

Cause when the term was up

You found a new girl to sit by.

a new poem

A thought that passed though my mind

on a rainy summer morning last year,

at the funeral of my twenty two year old cousin

who killed herself.

She was

He is

We are

I hope

a poem Bill is a Barn Door

Bill is a Barn Door

We painted him there

on the old barn door

me and her

the summer we turned fourteen

we stood on an old box

and kissed him

pretended he loved us

he was the perfect man.

Jimmy next door saw me one day

and touched me in a sympathetic way

so I kissed him instead

left you alone with the door

your only friend

You hadn’t crossed the state line

to be alone

the endless summers we had spent

in white gauze dresses

swimming

kissing bill

Then from the night you came

red on you dress

you smiled with satisfaction

Jimmy walked in the dark

not meeting my eyes

Then it was just me and

Bill the barn door

Eating Lust

Eating Lust

I love to go up the ladder

to the roof garden in my underwear

among the plants to eat cherry tomato’s

for a midnight snack.

Sucking them off the vine, ripe

and sweet

like unlabored candy

starlight dances in my hair

I stand and breathe in the night air.

My shirt becomes a basket

to hold the ruby red and orange delights

they roll in my mouth

slipping around my tongue like vowels

I roll them with my R.

Standing under the full moon

basked in ever light

I wait

barefoot in the summer heat

the ground still warm from the sun

shirt and underwear

almost too much.

You ascend into the labyrinth

as if you walked out of mythology

to eat sweet candy

and roll R

Seeds spill and mix as kisses crush our treat

fingers fumble over fabric and flesh

laying in the vines

to become one

with the earth.

Bright Sar

I have seen this movie twice in the theater.  I have since then bought the CD, a complete collection of John Keats poems and a book of letters and poems he wrote to Fanny Brawne.

The love story is so real and so sad I cried.  When you see the movie you know it's domed, at lest anyone who knows Keats story does.  the movie is filled with beautiful images and a good use of him poetry.  i would recommend this movie to people who like period pieces.  It's a slow movie with a lot of talking.  In a good way.  You have to love this kind of movie to get it.  You also have to be ready to cry.

I give Bright Star 5 out of 5 stars.

We need more movies like this.  Slow and quiet, not to flashy and not over sexed.  Just a good story with wonderful actors.

first daft i turned into my class

Love

I used to be scared to love you.

What it would mean for me.

I couldn’t admit I was different.

We kissed in the dark

eyes closed.

Friends, best friends.

We held our boyfriends hands

mine thought we were cute.

Close a little too close.

We pretended it was nothing.

Like we kissed to pass the time.

When I knew I loved you it was to late

you’d fucked your boyfriend and liked it.

You weren’t gay

just passing the time.

I didn’t fuck mine

he dumped me

I never told you I loved you

Got out of that stupid place

and met her.

She didn’t replace you,

cause you were never really there.

Now I love her

and I’m not scared.

You told me you might love me

my heart soared

then fell

I can’t live on might.

She loves me

and we aren’t scared

A Poem about my morning's

Morning

Without light I wake and stumble across the room.

Clothing laid out.

I don’t look to see my naked form.

To the bathroom in the dark.

One window shade up

Letting light shine in.

Keep the door open

Wash my face

Brush my teeth and hair.

Let my eyes adjust to the morning light.

Not enough sleep

Step down the stairs to more light

Slide on my shades

And face the day.

Lost Girl in War

Lost Girl in War

I was pushed off at the wrong stop

On the last train to freedom

They took my arm and principale me via

I said they had it wrong

But they didn’t hear me

Tossed into the blood stained world

With no preparation

I wasn’t trained

I wasn’t a nurse

Called a fool 

And worse

Voi were kind

Told me what to do

You showed me how to hold my head above the smell

Decaying flesh

Gunpowder

How to hold hands without crying

Once told me about a man whose face was half blown off

Half blown off

I threw up

Voi apologized

I was glade voi told me

Made me tough

Time rolled by like the hills of home I dreamed about

I told voi I wasn’t who they thought

That people had waited at the end of the line for me

My letters came back un open

I feared their death

I had no home to return to

Every night I washed the sangue from my face

Tried to find myself under the grime

Silence is the worst

The calm before the storm voi said

The screams they echoed as they lay dieing

At lest meant they were alive

Silence meant we failed

Voi held my hand as bodies were pushed into unmarked graves

The lost girl

Weeping with the boy

Without a home

When the rain of bullets came down

We hovered between beds

Holding peoples hands

They said you stayed in the tents

Refused to leave the men

I wished I’d been with you

I wanted to feel brave

If I could see the way voi stood tall

Maybe I could too

Or

Maybe I just wanted to be with voi at the end

In the blood I forgot my name

That the rolling hills were real

That a time other then this existed

When I washed away the blood

I felt a moment of clarity

Wrapped my hair up

Let myself sleep

They were digging graves when the rain came down

People screamed trying to hide

Hadn’t we seen enough pain

I rushed to the tents

Water in hand

Ripped right through

They said

I’d seen it but I still couldn’t believe

I stopped

I was wet

The water slipped from my hands as blood spilled out

I fell

Voi caught me

Tried to keep me in

The rain beat down

I was too tired to scream

I smiled

Voi baciato me

Tenuto me

The light went out

I was gone

One more unmarked grave

For the lost girl who got off at the wrong stop.

This is just a draft It's not done in any way.

Am I Acting Like an Idiot?

why don't people call when they say they will?  you give them your number they say, "I'll call you this weekend."  then they don't.  should i except the same from e-mail?  a guy gay for my e-mail address and tells me he'll send me a message over the weekend.  that was a week ago.  i see him at school.  he acts interested and still no message.  do i e-mail him?  how can i be in my age and still not know the rules?

A Poem

I wrote this poem in class yesterday and thought it was fun.

Lick the sky it taste of strawberry's
Clouds of whipped cream circle our heads
In this endless dream of sweets
I can't live without chocolate
Voice whirls up
You dive off a cliff
Into your mothers lap
Like a cat you land
Sleep a sweet dream
Vegetables await you.

I'm still working on it but I like it.  So this is draft one.

Mr. Perfect isn't real

Is it so wrong to fall of fictional characters?  Lets face it there really is no Mr. or Miss. perfect.  They only exist is books and in moves and television.  So why not let your self fall for these characters?

Mr. Darcy was for a long time my true love in many ways.  Then there was Darien from the manga Sailor Moon.

The New Man I can't stop thinking about is Eric Northman the 1,000 year old vampire from the Sookie Stackhouse novels and True Blood (the show based off the books).

So yes I'm single.  Yes I'm happy.  Because i can always open a book and escape into the world with my version of Mr. Perfect.

Vampire Love

Since I was little I have always loved vampires.  I would have been one if I could.  I still would.  Over the past couple years vampires have become popular.  It's strange for me to have something I've loved for years become the new big thing.  People mocked me for loving vampires now there all obsessed with Twilight and True Blood.

I have read Twilight and seen True Blood and I like both.  I will say I like the books True Blood are based off of, the Sookie Stackhouse novels better.  The second season has taken such a step away from the books that there two different things.  I understand that they need to have something for the secondary characters to do but I felt like half the show was soft core porn.

Any one who has read the books or seen the show knows there are two main vampires, Bill Compton and Eric Northman.  I don't want to give a lot a way but I'll say this.  In the beginning of the series I loved Bill.  He was my favorite and Eric was a jerk.  The tables slowly turned in Eric's favor and now I love Eric and don't care much for Bill.  So far the show True Blood has featured one book per season and Bill has been the main guy.  But in book three he disappears for most of the book and there's bad feelings between him and Sookie.  As Bill begins to fall to the back lines Eric takes center stage.  I'm very excited to see more of Alexander Skarsgard who plays the viking vampire Eric.  Who knows what will happen this time and how true to the book they'll stay.  In the book there are some good Eric stuff i just hope that gets into the show.

I love Eric Northman.  If he wants to visit he just has to knock on my window.

Anime Convention

I just got done with a 24 hour 3 day convention.  There were things that went well and things that didn't.  I broke my own rule and didn't get a full night of sleep the night before the con.  I also got to the con each day later then I wanted to.

I did have a lot of fun.  I didn't leave the con until after 6am two days in a row.  Being at the con all night was a lot of fun.  It's nice when the younger group leaves and only the die hard are left.  I hate the viewing rooms when there really crowded.  I also hate it when people talk in the viewing rooms.  I like to think of the viewing room like a small movie theater, I think it's rude to talk in a theater so you shouldn't talk in a viewing room either.  They would hate it if someone talked during something they were into.  Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

The next convention I'm going to is Easter weekend.  I have to get my cosplay done by then.  It seems like a long time till the next one but in truth it isn't.  I always feel like I have time till I realize that the convention is right around the corner and I have to rush to get things done.

Being Prepared for Anime Conventions part 3

My final note on the matter falls into the planing ahead category.  Con's are like the first day of school and your birthday wrapped into one.  You want to look good in front of everyone and you're also excited to but all sorts of cool stuff you can only get at cons.  But no matter what you need to get a full night of sleep the night before starts.
I know it's tempting to stay up and party, but you need rest.  You're going to be very busy all weekend.  There will be people running around the hotel in costume and it may be tempting to join in, but if you sleep you'll be standing strong the next day while they wither.  So march back to your room, take a shower and snuggle into bed.  You'll be happy you did.

I also want to send love to the day before registration.  I know I hate mornings so I always try to go get my badge at the day before registration.  It's nice to know that the first day of the con I don't have to wake up really early to get in line.  I have gotten in that early morning line and it bites.  At Kamori-con this year I'll be ready to line up with my information to get my badge a day early.  Also for the first time ever pre-registration will be open that day.  It's always been only will call, but they want to cut down on lines.  So anyone attending Kamori-con this year get in line on Friday and save your self some grief.

Being Prepared for Anime Conventions part 2

I can't believe I didn't mention last time one thing that I know I don't do enough of, which is get outside.  If there's a break and your not tired get in the fresh air.  Take a small break and walk around.  If your the social type you'll find people around playing games.  One game I find every where is the glomp circle.  If you don't know what a glomp is it's a not sexual action of one person lovingly and dramatically attacking someone with a hug. A glomp is often predatory and lies somewhere in the grey area between caring embrace, and a flying leap to tackle someone.  A glomp circle is when people get together and play spin the bottle but instead of kissing they glomp.  If the group gets really big they'll get multiple bottles going at once.

I've never joined in.  It's not really my style.  i usually find a place to sit and eat.  I only walk between my hotel, the convention, and food.

So thats all for now.  I'll add more as I think of things.

Being Prepared for Anime Conventions

We all know being prepared is a good thing. Twice a year I attend an Anime Convention. One in Portland called Kamori-con and one in Seattle called Sakura-con. Conventions can be draining physically and mentally. So I've come up with a few things to get me through. I will tell you now that at the end of most conventions I am sick or getting sick. Lack of sleep and lack of proper nutrition takes it out of me.

Lets start with pre-con preparation. I go grocery shopping for caffeinated cola, candy, and granola bars. The caffeine and the sugar with keep you awake, while the granola will keep you from passing out. Some people also buy beef jerky or power bars. Coffee's good to and if you have the money to buy it everyday twice or maybe three times a day do it. But I know I want all my money to go to shopping. It's bad enough that you have to pay for the hotel room, you don't want to wast your money. If you want to you can buy other snack food that can be kept in your room and drink, like juice or bottled water. I don't drink during conventions so I don't get tired, but it your going to drink why not bring your own.

Now I want to talk about food. During the con you need to snack to keep your energy up. Vending machine's are expensive, that's why you bring your own food. Also don't skip meals. I know you don't want to spend your money on food which is why you eat cheap. In most con handbooks there is a map of the surrounding area and a list of food vendors. Find the cheep places and just go there all weekend. I don't care of your sick of burgers and fries it's cheap. Also and this is very important KEEP HYDRATED. That means drinking water, soda does NOT hydrate you. There will be water everywhere. When you see water drink it even if you don't think your thirsty. You'll feel better for it.

Next sleep, I know there are people who come to con's with out rooms and try to stay up all night and sleep in Anime viewing rooms when they can. This works at Sakura-con since the convention is 24. People sleep is important. Even if you only get a couple hours, thats still sleep. When I'm at Sakura-con I'll go back to my room for a few hours just to lay down when there's nothing I want to do. If the time for my nap is short I won't even change out of my costume completely. I usually end up wearing costumes that have many layers. I shed the top layers so I'm comfortable and then sleep in the rest. It cuts off time when I'm getting back into costume to go back to the con.

So there are my rules to live by. Eat when you can, drink fluids, keep sugar and caffeine running through you at all times and sleep when you can. if your lucky you won't get sick until after the convention. I would recommend taking the day after the con off and sleeping. I hope this is useful to someone. Good luck at your con!

The Idea

Writing a blog seams a little silly to me, which is why I'm wondering why I'm doing this. Do I want the world to know my every thought? Perhaps all I want to be is noticed. I love to write and have no one to read my work. My family is sick of listening to revisions of the same stories.

A little about me. I'm 22 and living with my parents, again. I dropped out of art school my 4th term and sat around for a while feeling sorry for myself. My mother told me I had to either get a job or go back to school. Since I had no job skills to fall back on I went back to school. It was to late to get into anything but Community College so thats were I am. Just over a year later I have over 60 credits I don't know what to do with. I keep taking classes trying to find my way again. My older sister has of course graduated from University and also cooking school. We're hoping I'm out of school by my ten year high school reunion. The plan right now is to start duel enrollment at a college here in town and slowly move away from community college. One day I want to teach English as a second language in Japan. My one true love. My fall back passion is writing. I have so many started and abandoned stories. Perhaps I will share some of my writing here. It's always nice to have an audience.

To get back to love, I will tell you now I have never been in love. Not that was ever returned. I have no great love story to tell. What I have are experiences. I had the joy of living in Italy as a student for three months last year. One of the most magical times of my life. I wrote e-mails very much like a blog to my family and friends back in the states. Perhaps I will bring some of those stories into here and post some of my old e-mails.

For my first entry I think thats good. I don't know if anyone will read this or find it interesting. In the end I guess I'm mostly doing this because I have a need to be heard. If anyone does read this and finds spelling and grammar errors please forgive me I'm dyslexic. Thats a fact not an excuse. If you find an error and want to tell me please do it with compassion. I wound easily.

Love Stork